Monday, 28 March 2011


Hannah: Sometimes it's cool to have 2 older brothers, like when they both outgrow their Steelers t-shirts, now I have to wear as a pyjama top, one for gym & one that's long enough to cover my plumber's crack. But mostly, brothers are a pain in the neck.
Me: Ya, and you need to understand that short-waisted jeans aren't a great option for long-waisted people.
Hannah: pffft. It's FASHION.
Me: Then that's one fashionable looking butt crack you have.

It's only Monday.

Thursday, 24 March 2011

Sometimes that's the way it goes, except when it goes the other way.

Today, all plans to see my new grand-nephew were once again thwarted by having Hannah home feeling "sick to her stomach".
She made an amazing recovery round about 10 am that enabled her to make 2 bookmarks & begin her demands for her computer turn. Gotta surf that porn early. Kidding, she's a lovely little girl and what mother on earth can complain about their children reading too much. (although I HAVE complained in the past, but that had to do with reading while walking in traffic)...guess who?...
Isaac had cash in pocket today for the book fair & unfortunately fell victim to yet another tiny stuffed animal. I have warned him that 'Bob'  cannot become a new version of 'Bunny' or 'Hobbes' , we won't have regression again. Noah just got home from math tutoring & also told Isaac that "there's a big difference between a knick-knack & a new stim tool & we can't walk this road again I's"...Regressive behaviour is, of course, something that I & his SCC & his teachers keep an eye on.
Noah says that he enjoyed his first tutoring & believes he's learned something..but I don't see the lightbulb moment yet...I know it will come/or maybe it won't, but at least he's trying. Okay, truth was he had 2 options...go to math tutor willingly, or go with me sitting on your lap (quite more embarassing I imagine).
Nothing funny happened today, unless you include my hair.

Friday, 18 March 2011

Glaucoma is the silent thief of vision.

Dilated pupils do not hurt nearly as much as dilated cervix. Thank goodness for THAT.
Hannah was most bothered later, but in all fairness she wouldn't put her sunglasses on after. She ended up with the best I suspected, she most likely was born with one pupil larger than the other & her eyes were just so dark that we only noticed it recently. There having been no head trauma that left me to only be slightly concerned with the possibilty (as was her pediatrician) of something terrible like a tumour or eye disease.

They found no signs of anything even remotely wrong. No cataracts, no optic nerve damage or disease. All good stuff & she will be checked every year at optometrist.

Myself on the other hand..not such good news. Initially ,my IOP was controlled perfectly with the drops, but it was back up again today. I was very surprised & disappointed. Not as bad as before I ever had the drops, but still unacceptable. So we are trying another medication, unfortunately, there aren't that many medical options & even less available to me because of side effects. If I understand correctly I have only one more type of drop if this one fails.

Having said that though, it wasn't entirely bleak. My iridotomy holes have stayed open so my angles won't slam shut :D There is still no sign of optic nerve damage * big fat sigh of relief* & my field of vision has not diminished...super, I can still safely merge on a highway, lol.

Remember to have your IOP checked. Don't think "well I have no family history" cause I didn't, someone has to start a family history after all. And if you wait til you have a symptom like diminishing peripheral may already be too late.

But, I made a winning shrimp stir fry for supper.
Me: Well, I congratulate myself !
Noah: On having successfully raised such a fine young man as me?
*Oy* lack of wit at least.

Quote of day: What is required is sight AND insight. Then you might add one more, EXcite.- Robert Frost.

Wednesday, 16 March 2011

Learning to spell.

I must admit that i'm still learning to spell. I used to think I had a relatively good command of the English language, but that word game that shall remain nameless put me in my place right handily.
There are still words that are beyond my 'lock & load' for instance, hang on..*clicks on onelook* gimme a sec here...DIARRHEA. There. It doesn't matter how many times I use it, have it, or look it up I still misspell it.
I was just thinking not about diarrhea, but about learning to spell as a child.
Every time I asked my mother how to spell something, she'd say "look it up in the dictionary" (Webster's Unabridged, full volume, kept in the pantry room) And I was always baffled & would say "but if I can't spell it, how can I find it?" and mom would just happily go on about her tasks & say..If you don't look it up you will never spell it, why not just read the dictionnary....???now I understand better how a busy mom can get rid of an annoying child, I think I got halfway through A. before I gave up on reading the entire tome...but first I looked for all the swear words I could think of & was greatly disappointed to find that Mr. Webster lied his ugly old pants off when he used the term 'unabridged' cause that didn't mean he was including any good smut. ( i'd have SUED him, but I didn't get as far as ATTORNEY.
But i'm again getting off topic. The whole point of this was to say..
Once, maybe twice, but once comes to mind, I stopped mom in her tracks.  I asked how to spell ellemenope. She said what? what?
I said ellemenope, you know.
 It's in the song that Ramona is teaching me.
The song, you know, the song Mona is teaching me.
The alphabet song, I want to know how to write ellemenope.
Do you mean L, M, N, O, P ?
ohhhh. okay.

Tuesday, 15 March 2011

Sometimes it's good to go home.

Called my big brother John tonight to ask a favour. (I don't think he'll mind me telling your this) But whatever, like I said... "I still love you, asshole"
I need someone to accompany me to the opthamologist Friday, cause they are gonna blow my pupils more than any dose of a bong could, can you be that man?
I think the phone kicked out a bit around the bong cause he wasn't talking.
He said he was sorry, but that he daren't commit, in case he got called in to work late Thursday or Friday morn..
I can totally get that, just take your work when it comes around i'll find someone else, it's all good.
*Hey*, why don't you get Noah to drive?
Whoa le bateau! Nopers, i'll be riding that rail soon enough & he's 15 & while i'd bet dollars to donuts he'd manage it, i have enough to know that next year i'll be teaching him to drive.
Bah, nothing there, I taught you to drive girl & don't you forget it.
You bloody hell did NOT teach me to drive.
I taught you to drive stick, & I taught you to drive a big truck.
Okay, for A: on teaching me to drive a stick...excuse me, but laying in a fetal position on the floor of your pickup trying to puke up a kidney stone while I ground through enough gears to render you standard an automatic is not called "teaching me to drive a stick".
  He: Wait...I had to stop laughing. Okay, but I taught you to drive a big truck.
Again I take umbrige with that. Cause saying "hey, wanna drive?" then me saying no thanks i'd rather not. Then YOU getting up from the driver's seat & walking into the bunk & me shouting "oh shitfuck, fuck, shitfuck" then grabbing the steering & sliding into the seat as we barreled down the 401 with 90 k lbs of steel in the 'wagon' is not again another example of "teaching me to drive"
His response :It worked though didn't it?
Me: I taught myself & Frank to double clutch though.
He: That you did.
Asshole. xxxooo Asshole though.

Quote of the Day: Sometimes being a brother is even better than being a Superhero. *Mark somebodyican'trememberhisname* sorry, said that.

Tuesday, 8 March 2011

Bad day on the Spectrum.

Today I broke at least four of the cardinal rules of being a parent of a child with autism. (or pretty much of being a parent, period,)
 It just got to be too much repeating & he could not manage to get beyond this being a snow day so "why should I wear pants & see my SCC?" That flew. Rescheduled. But I lost it at why can't you do some very simple little tasks like your brother & sister do?

Here are my sins, bared to you all with humility and shame.

I got very angry. I yelled & yes, I swore. I cussed up a huge storm ,
I ranted & raved and tossed his dirty dishes into the dishwasher.
I wasn't pretty, or loving or in any way rational.
Then I broke the biggest fattest rule of all time and said
"I didn't buy a ticket on the flight to planet Autism"
How's about that for a screwup?

He went into his hole for a half hour & I just wallowed in my remorse while I cleaned out the wood stove.
Noah came to me & hugged me & told me that "hey, he yelled at you first" which in NO way makes it right.
Then Noah said to me that I was doing the best job I could & that he'd always have my back & be there to help.
I said "Noah, that's not your job"
He said "S'okay mom, I'm a volunteer."

Of course I bought the ticket, I bought the ticket on the day that I decided to have children. I bought hook , line & sinker every ability or disability. All the good days & the less good days. I bought it all the day I decided to be a parent & I have no business reproaching anyone (least of all those kids) for my decisions. Therefore I have but one option. That is to try to do the best damned job of it I can, to be more mature, to rise above my immediate desire to rant or rave and to give unto the society the most well rounded, contributing individuals I can.
Today, I get a  fail.

On Picking a Partner.

Although my children are still very young, I take every opportunity to talk with them about the choices they'll make later in life. For example, choosing to spend a lifetime with someone.
We talk about mutual respect, trust, granting space to another, sharing, intimacy etc.
While it's really not important to have everything in common,
One thing I always say is to remember that one day they won't be tangling the sheets so much anymore, so they had better be with someone they can talk with.
Doesn't mean you can't have healthy debates or have to agree with everything the other says, just means that you can safely have those discussions & know that no one is going to come out offended or hurt.
So one day we are chatting away about respect and how that begins with self-respect and Noah comes out with this :
Ya, and don't forget she has to be HOT !

I get the quote of the day : " Someone pass me my etui please"

Monday, 7 March 2011


Noah: Mom, can a paraplegic man get a woman pregnant?
Me: It's complicated, while they can ejaculate, it is difficult to obtain or maintain a...
Isaac: Boner.
Me: well I was going for erection but okay.
(something unheard about breast feeding followed by Noah & Hannah arguing a point)
Noah: Right mom? Milk comes in when a girl hits puberty?
Me:  no Noah, it comes in after giving birth.
Noah: well that episode was totally false then.
Me: This is why we don't get our science or medical information from The Family Guy.

Sunday, 6 March 2011

Planetary Parents.

Hannah & her dad playing the game last night of "first to talk loses". So Hannah grabs the chalkboard & starts scribbling furiously. But she can't quite spell some words, so she kept coming to me and pointing with her chalk at the board while I helped her convey her messages.
Meanwhile her father is doing everything underhanded he can to try to make her talk.He whistled, coughed,finally ressorted to tickling her.
 She came to me again with the chalkboard tapping her word pointedly....YERAN. I was stymied. YERAN? (tap tap tap head nodding)
YERAN? Yeran I repeated, then said oh do you mean 'You're an"? More head nodding..
then board wiping and more frantic scribbles, circles with tumours growing on them..
Then a circle with rings around it, I said oh okay. Planets? More nodding.
Arrow pointing toward her father.
She says ' Planet' ? Sighs. More drawing, one, two, 3 circles..more emphatic pointing ONE BY ONE. So I said okay, Saturn? nods, points.. Venus? nods, points..Mars? sighs. Pluto? sighs, points.
Aha. Uranus?? Really emphatic nodding.
Me: Frank, Hannah says YERAN ANUS.

Quote of the day: A man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what is heaven for- Robert Browning.

Thursday, 3 March 2011


If you can't be diplomatic in your own home, how can you expect it elsewhere in the world?
Squabble of the day:
Hannah: why can't you play your game on the tv in the basement?
Noah: you go watch the tv in the basement.
Hannah: No, you go play your game in the basement where there are no channels.
Me: Noah, she has a valid point, why take up the only tv she can watch a program on?
Noah: She left the room to go play in her bedroom for almost an hour, I waited, she didn't come back til she knew I had hooked up my game. Why should I leave now?
Me: Hannah, he does have a valid point. Matter of fact you are both exceedingly pointy people, congratulations.
If that's as bad as it gets & really nothing was thrown, nobody lost an eye or shed tears, hey, that's a red-letter day :)

Nanny gets the quote of the day, although I don't know who she was quoting :
Tit for Tat, you kill my dog, I kill your cat.

Tuesday, 1 March 2011

Bull Chat.

All this talk about bulls today has brought back some memories. These can be some massive creatures & according to what John once told me, look between their legs, see that set of balls? That's pure testosterone gal, never turn your back on a bull.
So here I am one day back when we lived at the trailer, going over the fence to seek out some old cowpies for my cucumber planting. Shovel in hand, I just kept flinging pies sort of toward my garden when I heard this strange gutteral snorting sound. It was early spring & the animals hadn't been put out to pasture for a week, these thoughts went through my head as I noticed I was rather close to a small group of young calves. I ignored them and continued my pie-flinging.
Then I heard this horrendous bellow. I looked up again and one of the cows was wailing her head off, either in defense of calves or (I like to think) warning to me. And along HE came and if you think for a minute that the huge set of testicles Billy had between his legs would slow him down, you are mistaken ! 1500 pounds of pissed off on legs.
I went against all teaching and turned my back, I turned my back and ran like i've never run before for the fence. I dove under the lowest barbed wire & promptly hooked my shirt  on a barb ! By then I was just as unpleasant as you can possibly imagine, in tears and hysterical.
I rolled and twisted, got myself loose however shredding my back and turned around to see Frank standing in the yard laughing himself silly. Billy was pissed off at losing me and tramped around snorting for some minutes.
Frank was sensitive enough to share that with everyone in town. I'd be serving a table only to hear "hey are you the lady Billy scared?"

Quote of the Day: I never rode a bull- I'm not that stupid. James Caan.