Today I broke at least four of the cardinal rules of being a parent of a child with autism. (or pretty much of being a parent, period,)
It just got to be too much repeating & he could not manage to get beyond this being a snow day so "why should I wear pants & see my SCC?" That flew. Rescheduled. But I lost it at why can't you do some very simple little tasks like your brother & sister do?
Here are my sins, bared to you all with humility and shame.
I got very angry. I yelled & yes, I swore. I cussed up a huge storm ,
I ranted & raved and tossed his dirty dishes into the dishwasher.
I wasn't pretty, or loving or in any way rational.
Then I broke the biggest fattest rule of all time and said
"I didn't buy a ticket on the flight to planet Autism"
How's about that for a screwup?
He went into his hole for a half hour & I just wallowed in my remorse while I cleaned out the wood stove.
Noah came to me & hugged me & told me that "hey, he yelled at you first" which in NO way makes it right.
Then Noah said to me that I was doing the best job I could & that he'd always have my back & be there to help.
I said "Noah, that's not your job"
He said "S'okay mom, I'm a volunteer."
Of course I bought the ticket, I bought the ticket on the day that I decided to have children. I bought hook , line & sinker every ability or disability. All the good days & the less good days. I bought it all the day I decided to be a parent & I have no business reproaching anyone (least of all those kids) for my decisions. Therefore I have but one option. That is to try to do the best damned job of it I can, to be more mature, to rise above my immediate desire to rant or rave and to give unto the society the most well rounded, contributing individuals I can.
Today, I get a fail.